Category Archives: Tool

Articles containing information about the band Tool

March Tool Newsletter describes new Loft dunny

Blair has revealed in this months Tool Newsletter that the Tool Loft is nearing the end of it’s recent refurbishments. It would appear that they have installed a toilet of the highest quality. Is this all a metaphor? It could be, either way, not much new news was revealed this month. Perhaps on April Fools day as a few fools have predicted!

In an exclusive interview granted by Adam to Yahoo Music this month, we learned how a major lawsuit had for years been negatively affecting the creative process when it came to writing material for the band’s next record. With the litigation finally settled and these distractions now behind them, it would appear that things are back on track. We also found out recently that Maynard has been working on adding vocals to the new arrangements from a special section in the loft that was constructed for this very purpose. As welcome as this news is, as of late, there is even a bigger reason for optimism, especially when it comes to getting one’s creative juices flowing. This something new and exciting in the world of Tool comes as a great relief to anyone connected with the band, and I anticipate it will enable things to proceed without further hindrance.
When I first saw this a week ago, I just stood there dumbfounded, trying to imagine what those who first saw it all those years ago must have thought. For them, the mere sight of such a thing must have resulted in sheer confusion – a kind of pathetic bewilderment as they struggled for some rational explanation. Here they were, high-ranking military officers, the country’s greatest scientists, and top government officials – the privileged few – gathered in some secret installation where it had been spirited away to as part of an even greater technological marvel. And now here it was at the Tool loft, having been recently added as part of an on-going face-lift.

Well, not actually IT, but an almost identical copy of IT that was reverse engineered with all its compact, streamlined features and advanced capabilities until some day when its fantastic realism could be shared with an unsuspecting public. Where there had previously been (for over 25 years, no less) a decrepit, rust-tinged commode in a tiny bathroom, whose dingy walls were covered with piss-bespattered platinum record award plaques, now appeared in all its undefiled magnificence an immaculate, defectiveless reminder of human shortcomings. While examining the striking lineaments before me, a pleasing voice introduced itself as NUMI. With the illuminated panes of its futuristic contours shifting tranquilly through a spectrum of soft pastel colors, it was hard not to think about blasting a dookie…

As impressed (or is intimidated the correct word?) as I initially was by Kohler’s most advanced toilet with integrated variable Bidet, when its motion-activated cover silently lifted, beckoning me forward like some siren’s song, I was informed by a band member that this particular unit was actually a modified version of the standard K-3901-0 model (list price: $6,338.50). Besides the various stock features, including Bidet functionality (temperature and pressure control), integrated air dryer, select deodorizer, self-sanitizing fixtures (meaning no ass gaskets needed!), heated seat/foot warmer, multiple flush modes and wireless Bluetooth – all activated by touch screen presets on a state-of-the-art remote digital display – its complex instrumentations had been fine tuned to meet personal preferences. Among the custom features, it offered the band members the ability to hear music playbacks – in this case, recent Tool jam sessions – so that little if no time is wasted when it comes to writing/arranging sessions.

Not only that, but having been programmed with the entire Tool oeuvre, NUMI’s ARTifical intelligence circuitry even offers suggestions as to any new arrangement – changes which, of course, the band members can either accept or reject. In fact, this aspect of NUMI is still a touchy subject, as no one wants to become dependent on what is essentially a toilet when it comes to making decisions about a particular musical arrangement. Personally, when it comes to writing songs (country, hip-hop, and pop withstanding), I would still choose the data storage abilities of the human brain over any advanced computer algorithm.

Looking down at NUMI’s “choosy cheeks prefer” flawless design, I was further informed that the ambient colored lights were programmed by the band’s lighting director, Junior, and that this included certain visual effects displayed on its elongated piezo-porcelain bowl.

But there was even more. While the silent whirlpool of sewer pickles goes virtually unnoticed, NUMI can offer informed advice on investing in the stock market (following the latest trends), suggest what sports teams to bet on, give reviews of what’s currently playing on the Pacific Cinerama Dome widescreens, make reservations at your favorite bistro, engage in philosophical ponderings or just offer a sympathetic ear (again, features designed to save precious time).

“Can NUMI tell my fortune?” I jokingly asked. The quick reply was that it actually can by using a high-tech stool analyzer that gives vital feedback on a color-coded graph with regards to one’s digestive system. If you’ve been eating too many greasy Tommy’s burgers and not enough fresh leafy greens, it lets you know, along with things like nutrient absorption (without using a freakin’ popcicle stick and magnifying glass), and how your body is reacting to the foods that you’ve been consuming. Fluoroscopic examinations aside, the digestive tract analysis features are quite impressive. Say you ate spaghetti for dinner last night. NUMI can tell if it was BOA or a can of Chef Boyardee!

As if all this wasn’t amazing enough, I was told that NUMI is fluent in 12 different languages. When I asked (in all seriousness) if this included its native Zeta Reticulan tongue, it was hinted at that this ‘throne of the gods’ didn’t really come from some crash/retrieval in the southwest desert, but, rather, from a secret exchange program.

Along with the addition of the customized Kohler K-3901-0, further improvements were also made to the back room in the Tool Loft as part of a series of renovations. This included new shelves and countertops (is that birdseye maple!). However, one thing that was not touched was the vintage Pepsi cooler that rattled against the far wall while keeping beers properly chilled as it has been doing so for over a quarter of a century. As an enduring feature of the Loft, and the not-so-silent witness to every Tool song ever written, hopefully it shall never be replaced. But getting back to NUMI. With its comfort and cleansing features, along with personal preferences all controlled by the touch of a screen, for the members of Tool, it’s now time to take care of business…

Adam discusses lawsuit and new album with Yahoo Music

In a new interview today, Adam has a chat with Yahoo Music about the lawsuit, and also gives us some further information on Tool’s new album:

“When you try to be ethical and sleep well at night and try to do the right thing, and people around you are not doing the right thing and trying to take advantage of you, it really affects your creativity and your sleep and your relationships with people and everything you do,” Jones reveals in an exclusive interview with Yahoo! Music. “We would have had an album out a long time ago, we would have been taking more tours. But we’ve been discouraged and distracted by this major lawsuit, which is the worst thing that’s ever happened to us. It reminds me of one of those ads you see on TV where a guy goes, ‘Have you been in a car wreck? Call us!’”

Think what you will in regards to the effect of the lawsuit in regards to the delay, but it’s good news to hear that Tool are now firmly back on track, hopefully to at least hit the studio this year.

Maynard gives us a Tool update

It’s been a good couple of days for Tool updates, and now Maynard swoops in and gives us another:

I’ve been making regular trips to LA to check on the writing progress of my Tool brethren. Things a progressing nicely. Slowly, but definitely progressing. Nothing is recorded yet, but the guys are confident that the pieces are coming together swimmingly and will be ready for me to begin writing melodies and content ‘soon’. I’m as anxious to get this album completed as everyone else. But as history will show, you can’t rush these gents. Patience is Gold in this Sound Mine. In the meantime, as always, other things are simultaneously occurring. Life is too short not to create something with every breath we draw.

Much better than a #gullible! With the accompanying photo (possibly taken by Aaron Harris):

February 2015 Tool Newsletter

Blair has posted the February 2015 Tool Newsletter, and it’s a pretty straight forward one, giving us some solid updates on where Tool are at, as well as some further clarification in the recent Motörhead issue:

With regards to the chance meeting between members of Tool and their friends in Motorhead in the same recording facility – this had absolutely nothing to do with the preparation, recording, mixing or mastering! of a new Tool album. Instead, it concerned another Tool project that has been in the works for a while. In fact, when I first heard about this project (way back when), I mentioned it in a news post as being a “curve ball” – meaning that it would be something unexpected by most Tool fans (as it was to me). Since then, some fans have guessed what this is, while others remain clueless, with many others believing that there really never was any such idiom to begin with.

And most excitingly in regards to the new album:

Now that these other things have (hopefully) been put to rest, let’s see about any current news. The first item would be that the members of the band will be taking a break from their writing/arranging sessions next week WHILE Aaron Harris (“ISIS”, PALMS”) sets up an area in the Loft for Maynard to be able to work on vocal melodies as the others play (loudly) their completed tunes. In that there is a lot of equipment to be moved and reorganized, it will take at least a few days to set up Maynard’s ‘station’ in the adjoining room. Admittedly, this is exciting news, but let’s not jump to any hasty conclusions…

Blair adds further clarity to studio issue

Blair took some time out from thanking Obama today to give us some insight into the recent Tool/Motörhead scandal, and advises us that it’s likely to be one of the following scenarios:

A) The members of Tool that the guys in Motorhead saw and interacted with in the studio were actually the DECOY members of the band , who have started tracking tunes for the new DECOY Tool album.

B) Rather than tracking tunes for the next Tool record, the (real) members of the band have begun tracking (real) tunes for the Tool album that is to be released AFTER the next Tool album is released.

C) Rather than tracking anything, the members of the band were in the studio mixing music that was recorded sometime ago, which might not have anything to do with the next Tool album (which is still in the writing/arranging process), but might be used for another Tool project that has been in the works for a while, of which I am currently not at liberty to add any further details.

D) All of the above.

Seeing as I expect the first two are unlikely, I imagine C is the most likely option. Maybe one day we’ll even get some details on what this actually is!

Motörhead in the studio next to Tool

Posted not long ago on the internet is a Facebook video from Adam’s page featuring Phil and Mikkey from Motörhead, and Adam from Tool in a Los Angeles recording studio. Motörhead are in one studio, and Tool are in the other one “working on some tunes, having fun”. Take a look for yourself:

So it seems Tool are now recording – is it the new album? Is it something else? Hopefully we’ll find out soon!

Tool January 2015 Newsletter released

Tool’s Newsletter for January 2015 has been released, and you can find it on the bands website. It contains a few hints that another song is complete on the new album, and also that there may be more news to come soon (though to be fair lots of newsletters suggest this). It also contains a Q & A section, which doesn’t really answer anything too compelling, but I found to be quite funny. Here’s a excerpt:

Q: “If I pay extra…. like $40… can I get the shirt with out the stupid poem?”

A: Nobody likes a Wisenheimer, but sure you can pay $40.00 for the shirt without the esoteric verses (which aren’t being offered now anyway). And I will be checking with Merch to see if you really buy one NOW that you’ve had your moment of glory…

COMMENT: “ I placed an order [for the Crowley tee-shirt] on the 17th [of January] with the confirmation #666. Made my day.”

REPLY: All confirmations are 666. Just kidding. How fortuitous! I hope that the Wisenheimer sees what he missed by not ordering one with the stupid poem…

Happy Trails!

Some shitty poetry

Tool issue New Album update of sorts…

I take a week away from the world, and not only do bushfires come pretty close to my house, but Tool post some kinda-news about the new album. In their New Years message via Blair, they say:

Here we are ostensibly in a new year, and with it comes a clean slate to fill with not previously known noteworthy accounts and reports related to the band, TOOL. Having just returned from their individual holiday obligations, the band members will soon be entrenched at the Loft, diligently (as opposed to shoddily) writing and arranging new music for a much anticipated forthcoming recording.

It seems to suggest that the band are finally hitting their straps, which implies we may see some end to the ongoing “where is the new album?” saga.

Some of you will also remember that Danny played with Primus on New Years Eve. Here’s a nice video of Danny & Tim Alexander drumming-off in the time honored tradition: