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Tool February 2017 Newsletter

The Tool February 2017 Newsletter is out, and the first sentence tells you what you need to know:

Being that there is no Tool news that I know of this month, I was going to blow off the FEBRUARY NEWSLETTER until I received the following email.

The important part being that there is no Tool news.  The rest of the newsletter features a question from a fan regarding the Tool chat page, which hasn’t been working for quite some time.

Tool Newsletter September 2016 updated

As Blair hinted at in the January 2017 newsletter, he has also updated the one from September 2016.  For those with short memories, September 2016 was the infamous “positive thinking” one.  Blair mentions recent interviews with Justin, Danny’s appearance on the Seth Meyers show and even Adam at recent VIP outings as good evidence that the next Tool album is indeed a thing.

I doubt this is changing anyone’s mind though – I don’t expect that any of the skeptics are going to change their mind.  I for one am content to wait for whatever may come.  I’m obviously a huge Tool fan, but life is not so empty that a lack of Tool albums becomes an object of scorn or hate.

Instead I look forward to seeing Puscifer here in Adelaide in a couple of nights time (there’s even a free wine tasting in town before hand).  I’ll continue to enjoy the large number of quality releases from other artists.  Code Orange may have already released an album I might have on my top 10 of 2017 (we’ll see in 12 months time I guess!)

Tool January 2017 Newsletter

The Tool 2017 Newsletter for January is out, and it doesn’t say much except to confirm a few things we already know.  There is some vague promise of further news to come, but anyone’s guess as to what this is.

Here it is:

I especially don’t like to waste water here in the desert, but allow me to pour a tall cold glass of it over the on-line rumors that DANNY (“the mysterious buyer”) recently purchased a new house with vineyards so that he could become a wine-maker. The TRUTH is that he bought a house that just happened to come with a MICRO-VINEYARD. Therefore, DON’T expect him to be releasing bottles of “MONAS HIEROGLYPHICA” anytime soon. Instead, he will be working on new Tool material at the loft, and performing on February 4th with VOLTO! at… (No)… THE WHISKEY on the Sunset Strip. In other news, for those of you who only read the ‘newsletters’, TOOL will be playing a couple of festivals in MAY – one being “THE GOVERNOR’S BALL in NYC, with the other being “BOSTON CALLING.” In anticipation of your next question, these are the only Tool shows that I am currently aware of. I have also listed in the NEWS POSTS a number of APC shows in May. Now, in case you’re wondering why the January 17th newsletter is so short (or celebrating the fact), until I get a better grasp on certain things that have happened to me recently, this will have to do. In the meantime, look for an UPDATE explaining this in the archived SEPTEMBER 2016 newsletter on January 20th. Hopefully, that is…

Tool December 2016 Newsletter

Just in time for Xmas is Blair‘s December 2016 Tool Newsletter (you can find it in the newsletters section on Toolband).  It takes a Q&A format this time around, and doesn’t contain any info that typical Blair detractors need to know – save yourself the effort this Xmas Day (or Boxing Day if you’re an Aussie like me)!

If you are interested in Blair’s writings, then it contains some of the Santa Code that he talked about at previous Xmas’.  He also speaks about the curveball, and gives the following analogy:

Q: “Curveball, curveball, what ball, where is the ball?”

BMB:

All I can say is that I am standing in the batter’s box kicking at the dirt near home plate. I’ve got my helmet adjusted and have tightened my gloves. I’m wearing both shin and elbow guards, and there’s lots of pine tar on my piece of lumber. Although the pitcher can reache speeds in the 90s, I’m still looking for that wicked curve…

So more of the same in that regard then.  I suspect one day Tool will eventually tell Blair “ok, you can tell people about xxxx now” and we’ll get it.  Until then the wait continues with no clearer picture of when it’ll actually arrive.

Enjoy some time off Tool fans, and don’t forget to submit your albums for the Fourtheye Top 10 of 2016!

 

Tool October 2016 Newsletter

The October 2016 Tool Newsletter is out (tucked away in the Newsletter section), and it comes with a warning for some of you negative Nancy’s out there:

WARNING!

THIS NEWSLETTER CONTAINS CONTROVERSIAL TOOL-RELATED INFORMATION. IF YOU FEEL THAT YOU DO NOT WISH TO KNOW THIS INFORMATION OR HAVE THIS INFORMATION IN YOUR POSSESSION, DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER, AND LEAVE THIS WEBSITE.

For many of you, this is all you’ll need to read, as continuing further would result in only frustration and more negative comments on this blog post.

Rasberry Crazy Ant
Rasberry Crazy Ant

Tool September 2016 Newsletter

The Tool newsletter for September 2016 is out now (sorry for the delay getting it up here but I’ve been out of town) and it doesn’t really contain any actual Tool news, just some reflection on the energy radiated by some Tool fans.

For those who are desperate for anything to cling their hopes on, here’s Danny on the Seth Meyers show confirming “it’s real”:

Here’s my message for the many Tool fans who read this site:

Tool August 2016 Newsletter

Hidden in the depths of Toolband is the Tool August 2016 Newsletter, and it covers since suggestion of a Tool course and a McDonalds Tray Liner featuring a Tool fan:

I had planned for this month’s newsletter to be about a new course offered by select colleges and universities that will certainly be of interest to many Tool enthusiasts. The class is entitled, “Introduction, Production & Interpretation of Music Videos By Tool”, and is described in the curriculum guide as being an accelerated course about the band’s critically acclaimed video concepts. Now, I’m not trying to be anyone’s academic adviser – no, not this underachiever, who barely graduated from Miskatonic U. (go Black Goats!) – but just wanted to mention the prescribed requirements, credit hours, and enrollment details. I was also going to include a short interview with Adam Jones about his feelings on the new course, and whether or not he was going to participate in any way, such as classroom lectures or demonstrations of the video process via Google Hangouts tutorials, etc.? However, just as I was about to start typing, my attention was directed to some unread Tool email that urgently needed to be addressed.

One of the messages had the subject heading of “Free Advertising”, while another read, “Tool and Mickey D’s.” All were from Tool fans letting me know about something that they noticed while eating at McDonald’s. This was an advertising photo on their tray liner that depicted a happy “I’m Lovin It” family of four with the father wearing a classic TOOL tee shirt. (Note: The shirt is called, “Phurba” and depicts a stylized Buddhist ritual implement, although, in the spirit of McZen – what with golden arches, Happy Meals and such – I don’t think any Buddhist monks will get too upset in being associated with what’s on the McDonald’s menu.) The link below will take you to a photo of the tray liner that was posted on the reddit website.

VIEW

As to my reply: I honestly didn’t know anything about the ‘Tool’ tray liner (After all, there’s an Inn ‘N Out close to where I live), and don’t know if anyone associated with the band is aware of it, or, for that matter, if they even give a McShit?

No, I didn’t know about the Mickey D’s thing, but, unless someone close to the band is pulling my leg, I did hear that another fast food chain – whatchamacallit – has purposed selling a special Danny Carey drumstick. Let me think… It isn’t Chick-Fil-A (of course!), and not Churchs Chicken either. Nor is it Popeyes, Roscoes, Pudgies, Chesters, Jollibee or Henny Penny. Oh, yeah – it’s Kentucky Fried Chicken (better known today as KFC, so as to keep your mind off of things like frying oil and trans fat). Again, if someone’s not yanking my chain, the D.C. signature drumsticks are going to be died purple (!), and imprinted with a fake grill mark in the form of a ‘charred’ unicursal hexagram. Evidently, KFC’s “World’s Largest Logo” advertising stunt – the gigantic visage of Colonel Cluck, himself, laid out in colorful tiles on the desert floor near Area 51, where it can be seen from outer space in satellite imagery – didn’t quite live up to the company’s expectations, and now they are looking for something even cooler.

(I know what you’re thinking: Too bad it wasn’t “Subway” that did this, with that Fogle guy’s face being seen from outer space, so that maybe the nasty greys would have come down and snatched him up – thinking that he was our leader.)

Cheese and crackers! Look at the clock. In keeping with my new policy of spending no more than 30 minutes on each newsletter (as long as I’m being paid in mcnuggets), my time is up.

HAPPY TRAILS

BLAIR
JUSTIN
DANNY
MAYNARD
ADAM

I don’t imagine there really is a Tool course happening, but Blair could be hinting at either the contents of a new video (perhaps featuring Opiate) or maybe the content of the VIP sessions on the upcoming tour.

Or it could be he’s referring to a few discoveries that Adam has posted on Instagram in the last week, below being an example:

~ uh…whoa. Found this in storage* In 1997 I sculpted this quick little maquette for our Ænema video during the pre-production’s conception stage. Original idea was to have a small female protagonist puppet that could have parts of her anatomy change or ‘open up’ to help represent a welcomed adaptation to (waist deep) catastrophe. Hidden bisecting arms that would fan out like two puzzle pieces from the normal anatomy. With a huge influence from Polish painter Zdzisław Beksiński (and MANY other talented mofo *chet *greg figel *etc..) she evolved into an semi-transparent androgynous creature with her genetic makeup harmonic with H2o. (*Sounded good at the time…😄🔫) • Into the production & after many weeks of constant stop motion back and forth movements the two fatigued identical puppets were beyond wear. The ball socket armature had broken in different places and were very difficult to use. Hence the few shots at the end of the actual vid where the bisected arms barely move. ~ Heard a rumor that there was a bit of a tool influence on General Grievous from Star Wars ep lll. If true I would die a happy man. ❤️~ad

A photo posted by Adam Jones (@adamjones_tv) on

Tool July 2016 Newsletter

Sorry for the delay, but life’s been pretty busy the last few days! Anyway, the Tool July 2016 Newsletter is now out, and this time around Blair recounts a recent conversation he had with Danny Carey, giving us a few snippets of info on the progress of the new album:

While enjoying his “House Specialty” lasagna to the sounds of an excellent pianist (and master harpist, Mariano Gonzalez!), he added that they were very close to knocking out another tune, and that as soon as it was finished, they would send a recording of it to Maynard. When I asked if this was the song with the REALLY unique time signatures, he told me that they had already finished the music on that one. Okay, admittedly, not exactly stop the press news, but what can I say, other than that they are still grinding away on new material four days a week, and would be back at it later in the week (once Danny returned from the Las Vegas glitz, Justin from celebrating his wedding anniversary and Shelee’s birthday in palm-swaying Hawaii, and Adam hunting for glossy treasures at Comic-Com 2016 in San Diego).

And also:

The other question that I asked Danny concerned the fate of the broken vintage Pepsi machine from the loft – whether or not it had been repaired? Now, here was something that brought a quick response: Yes, he was determined to have it fixed, with or without the ‘original’ parts. Finally, what about the so-called “curveball”, to which he replied that he still wasn’t sure when it would be made available for public consumption, but that “It turned out dang good, though!”

Nothing too revealing, but good to at least hear of some kind of progress, and some suggestion that Maynard is now (or will soon be involved).

View post on imgur.com

June 2016 Tool Newsletter

The June 2016 Tool Newsletter has been released, and for those who want to get straight to the point it contains no obvious significant Tool update.  Instead it recounts a recent trip to Death Valley for a cover photo for a forthcoming Danny Carey book.

Here’s the Tool bit:

“What about the newsletter?
I have to get back home to post the Tool Newsletter.”

Having climbed out of the idling pickup, my friend examined my tire rock placement and then gauged the distance to the edge of the steep drop off. After which, he patted me on my back before jumping back into the Ford, shouting out the window:

“Everyone knows that the band is still working on their new record, and that there’s really no other major news other than that.”

“No, you’re wrong. There are certain things that people need to know about. Things that finally need to be revealed – concerning the new record and other band related matters. Things that I’ve been holding back… for years… because I felt that I had to, but now it’s time to make them public. Only, we’re stuck in this desert hellhole… up to our lug nuts in burning sand…”

Maybe the next newsletter will be more revealing, though I feel like we’ve heard that before a few times!

May 2016 Tool Newsletter out now!

Blair has posted the May 2016 Tool Newsletter, and it appears there’s no real news of note at the moment.  Instead the newsletter contains an interview with a random Tool fan.  Those with low tolerance for Blair–isms should probably give it a miss.

Here’s the final question with a few asterisks for you guys to ponder:

ANSWER:
“How about Problem 8. Just kidding. Having heard Faaip de Oiad, I’m good… But, when are we going to hear some new stuff? Wait, I think I know the answer – when it’s finished.”

BMB:
Thanks for agreeing to answer some questions. I’ll try to get you on the list for *** ****** ******* **** ** ******.

Enjoy!

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