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Tool October 2016 Newsletter

The October 2016 Tool Newsletter is out (tucked away in the Newsletter section), and it comes with a warning for some of you negative Nancy’s out there:

WARNING!

THIS NEWSLETTER CONTAINS CONTROVERSIAL TOOL-RELATED INFORMATION. IF YOU FEEL THAT YOU DO NOT WISH TO KNOW THIS INFORMATION OR HAVE THIS INFORMATION IN YOUR POSSESSION, DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER, AND LEAVE THIS WEBSITE.

For many of you, this is all you’ll need to read, as continuing further would result in only frustration and more negative comments on this blog post.

Rasberry Crazy Ant
Rasberry Crazy Ant

Tool September 2016 Newsletter

The Tool newsletter for September 2016 is out now (sorry for the delay getting it up here but I’ve been out of town) and it doesn’t really contain any actual Tool news, just some reflection on the energy radiated by some Tool fans.

For those who are desperate for anything to cling their hopes on, here’s Danny on the Seth Meyers show confirming “it’s real”:

Here’s my message for the many Tool fans who read this site:

Tool August 2016 Newsletter

Hidden in the depths of Toolband is the Tool August 2016 Newsletter, and it covers since suggestion of a Tool course and a McDonalds Tray Liner featuring a Tool fan:

I had planned for this month’s newsletter to be about a new course offered by select colleges and universities that will certainly be of interest to many Tool enthusiasts. The class is entitled, “Introduction, Production & Interpretation of Music Videos By Tool”, and is described in the curriculum guide as being an accelerated course about the band’s critically acclaimed video concepts. Now, I’m not trying to be anyone’s academic adviser – no, not this underachiever, who barely graduated from Miskatonic U. (go Black Goats!) – but just wanted to mention the prescribed requirements, credit hours, and enrollment details. I was also going to include a short interview with Adam Jones about his feelings on the new course, and whether or not he was going to participate in any way, such as classroom lectures or demonstrations of the video process via Google Hangouts tutorials, etc.? However, just as I was about to start typing, my attention was directed to some unread Tool email that urgently needed to be addressed.

One of the messages had the subject heading of “Free Advertising”, while another read, “Tool and Mickey D’s.” All were from Tool fans letting me know about something that they noticed while eating at McDonald’s. This was an advertising photo on their tray liner that depicted a happy “I’m Lovin It” family of four with the father wearing a classic TOOL tee shirt. (Note: The shirt is called, “Phurba” and depicts a stylized Buddhist ritual implement, although, in the spirit of McZen – what with golden arches, Happy Meals and such – I don’t think any Buddhist monks will get too upset in being associated with what’s on the McDonald’s menu.) The link below will take you to a photo of the tray liner that was posted on the reddit website.

VIEW

As to my reply: I honestly didn’t know anything about the ‘Tool’ tray liner (After all, there’s an Inn ‘N Out close to where I live), and don’t know if anyone associated with the band is aware of it, or, for that matter, if they even give a McShit?

No, I didn’t know about the Mickey D’s thing, but, unless someone close to the band is pulling my leg, I did hear that another fast food chain – whatchamacallit – has purposed selling a special Danny Carey drumstick. Let me think… It isn’t Chick-Fil-A (of course!), and not Churchs Chicken either. Nor is it Popeyes, Roscoes, Pudgies, Chesters, Jollibee or Henny Penny. Oh, yeah – it’s Kentucky Fried Chicken (better known today as KFC, so as to keep your mind off of things like frying oil and trans fat). Again, if someone’s not yanking my chain, the D.C. signature drumsticks are going to be died purple (!), and imprinted with a fake grill mark in the form of a ‘charred’ unicursal hexagram. Evidently, KFC’s “World’s Largest Logo” advertising stunt – the gigantic visage of Colonel Cluck, himself, laid out in colorful tiles on the desert floor near Area 51, where it can be seen from outer space in satellite imagery – didn’t quite live up to the company’s expectations, and now they are looking for something even cooler.

(I know what you’re thinking: Too bad it wasn’t “Subway” that did this, with that Fogle guy’s face being seen from outer space, so that maybe the nasty greys would have come down and snatched him up – thinking that he was our leader.)

Cheese and crackers! Look at the clock. In keeping with my new policy of spending no more than 30 minutes on each newsletter (as long as I’m being paid in mcnuggets), my time is up.

HAPPY TRAILS

BLAIR
JUSTIN
DANNY
MAYNARD
ADAM

I don’t imagine there really is a Tool course happening, but Blair could be hinting at either the contents of a new video (perhaps featuring Opiate) or maybe the content of the VIP sessions on the upcoming tour.

Or it could be he’s referring to a few discoveries that Adam has posted on Instagram in the last week, below being an example:

~ uh…whoa. Found this in storage* In 1997 I sculpted this quick little maquette for our Ænema video during the pre-production’s conception stage. Original idea was to have a small female protagonist puppet that could have parts of her anatomy change or ‘open up’ to help represent a welcomed adaptation to (waist deep) catastrophe. Hidden bisecting arms that would fan out like two puzzle pieces from the normal anatomy. With a huge influence from Polish painter Zdzisław Beksiński (and MANY other talented mofo *chet *greg figel *etc..) she evolved into an semi-transparent androgynous creature with her genetic makeup harmonic with H2o. (*Sounded good at the time…😄🔫) • Into the production & after many weeks of constant stop motion back and forth movements the two fatigued identical puppets were beyond wear. The ball socket armature had broken in different places and were very difficult to use. Hence the few shots at the end of the actual vid where the bisected arms barely move. ~ Heard a rumor that there was a bit of a tool influence on General Grievous from Star Wars ep lll. If true I would die a happy man. ❤️~ad

A photo posted by Adam Jones (@adamjones_tv) on

Tool July 2016 Newsletter

Sorry for the delay, but life’s been pretty busy the last few days! Anyway, the Tool July 2016 Newsletter is now out, and this time around Blair recounts a recent conversation he had with Danny Carey, giving us a few snippets of info on the progress of the new album:

While enjoying his “House Specialty” lasagna to the sounds of an excellent pianist (and master harpist, Mariano Gonzalez!), he added that they were very close to knocking out another tune, and that as soon as it was finished, they would send a recording of it to Maynard. When I asked if this was the song with the REALLY unique time signatures, he told me that they had already finished the music on that one. Okay, admittedly, not exactly stop the press news, but what can I say, other than that they are still grinding away on new material four days a week, and would be back at it later in the week (once Danny returned from the Las Vegas glitz, Justin from celebrating his wedding anniversary and Shelee’s birthday in palm-swaying Hawaii, and Adam hunting for glossy treasures at Comic-Com 2016 in San Diego).

And also:

The other question that I asked Danny concerned the fate of the broken vintage Pepsi machine from the loft – whether or not it had been repaired? Now, here was something that brought a quick response: Yes, he was determined to have it fixed, with or without the ‘original’ parts. Finally, what about the so-called “curveball”, to which he replied that he still wasn’t sure when it would be made available for public consumption, but that “It turned out dang good, though!”

Nothing too revealing, but good to at least hear of some kind of progress, and some suggestion that Maynard is now (or will soon be involved).

View post on imgur.com

June 2016 Tool Newsletter

The June 2016 Tool Newsletter has been released, and for those who want to get straight to the point it contains no obvious significant Tool update.  Instead it recounts a recent trip to Death Valley for a cover photo for a forthcoming Danny Carey book.

Here’s the Tool bit:

“What about the newsletter?
I have to get back home to post the Tool Newsletter.”

Having climbed out of the idling pickup, my friend examined my tire rock placement and then gauged the distance to the edge of the steep drop off. After which, he patted me on my back before jumping back into the Ford, shouting out the window:

“Everyone knows that the band is still working on their new record, and that there’s really no other major news other than that.”

“No, you’re wrong. There are certain things that people need to know about. Things that finally need to be revealed – concerning the new record and other band related matters. Things that I’ve been holding back… for years… because I felt that I had to, but now it’s time to make them public. Only, we’re stuck in this desert hellhole… up to our lug nuts in burning sand…”

Maybe the next newsletter will be more revealing, though I feel like we’ve heard that before a few times!

May 2016 Tool Newsletter out now!

Blair has posted the May 2016 Tool Newsletter, and it appears there’s no real news of note at the moment.  Instead the newsletter contains an interview with a random Tool fan.  Those with low tolerance for Blair–isms should probably give it a miss.

Here’s the final question with a few asterisks for you guys to ponder:

ANSWER:
“How about Problem 8. Just kidding. Having heard Faaip de Oiad, I’m good… But, when are we going to hear some new stuff? Wait, I think I know the answer – when it’s finished.”

BMB:
Thanks for agreeing to answer some questions. I’ll try to get you on the list for *** ****** ******* **** ** ******.

Enjoy!

Tool April 2016 Newsletter

In our absence, Blair has posted the April 2016 Tool newsletter, which includes a censored section for you to decipher (if you are so inclined):

During a recent phone conversation with a certain band member, he told me the following: “Goddamn, I just ******* the *** **** ***** and it was pretty damn amazing! Of course, ** still has to **** **** of * *** ****** before ** **** ********, but what * *** was well ***** *** ****.”

In other news, I was told (again, by a band member) that *** ******** made **** a good *****, so it ***** **** **** *** ** playing the ************** on *******! Of course, this doesn’t take into consideration a grey goo scenario involving self-replicating nanobots, VY Canis Majoris going hypernova, or even the more likely stumbling block of anthropogenic global warming from too many advanced personal vaporizers (APVs) using propylene glycol, which is NOT the main ingredient in antifreeze. There is also some talk about **** *****, but nothing ** ****** ** and, ***** *******at this time. So, keep your toes crossed.

NEWS FLASH!
Word has it that the ***** for another **** song has been ******** at the ****, and that the fellows are off to a good ***** on ******* one. So, there you **** it.

Possible interpretations so far include finished tracks, completed videos and confirmed shows, or possibly all of the above. Time will tell I guess, though I hear with very good authority that the Voodoo Festival in New Orleans is all but confirmed.

New Orleans!
New Orleans!

Tool March 2016 Newsletter

Blair has posted the March 2016 Tool Newsletter, and this month it recounts the life and death of a Pepsi cooler in the Loft. The status of the new album does get a bit of a mention though:

After a short deliberation it was unanimously agreed by the band members – as a tribute to its many years of commendable service – to continue with the day’s session. Afterwards, there was some discussion about getting it repaired, or perhaps even a full restoration. However, until any technicians are called or any refurbishing gets under way, it is uncertain how the machine’s absence will affect any future Tool tunes? Personally, I don’t believe that it will change much, especially at this stage of the writing/arranging process, in which, I believe, there are only a couple of ‘shorter’ songs left to complete(?), along with a segue or two or three. (Of course, we need to keep in mind any changes that might be needed to accommodate the vocals, etc., once all of the arrangements are finished.) Even so, I still don’t think the departed Pepsi machine will change in any significant way any new material created by the band. But if it does, someone might want to start looking for cooling unit parts…

Regardless of the status of songwriting, I can’t see Tool recording anything until after the wine harvest, but it is somewhat promising to hear that a good deal of the songwriting is complete. The real question is how much of that includes Maynard’s vocals, or will there need to be a further writing session to get that done?

A vintage Pepsi Cooler which may or may not be the same as the one in the Loft...

Tool February 2016 Newsletter

The February 2016 Tool newsletter is out, and it briefly discusses progress on the seemingly never-ending songwriting saga. Ultimately there isn’t much to report, but I’m sure there’s a few tidbits here and there for peopel to dig into. Also, there is a cool bug mask based on the posters from the recent tour:

While Adam’s latest bleeding bugs didn’t go unnoticed by me, a recent photo taken at the Tool loft that was accidently sent to me really got me to thinking. As seen below, the photo shows one of the band members wearing a fantastic bug headpiece that includes an appendage contrivance. (Note: Based on the shirt and other features, I believe this to be Danny, but all that really matters is that it is one of the band members.) Granted that the bug get-up could be merely an art project gift created by a fan and worn by a band member simply for the purpose of amusement, I have a different take on the matter, which I will now share with you, even though, with all the secrecy surrounding the new album, and that the loft photo was never intended to be seen by me, I would be better advised not to do so.

Danny in his bug mask

There are also mentions of Rance Q. Spartley, which has often been a metaphor for upcoming tours. I doubt one is around the corner, but you never know…

Sorry about the lack of posts of late – my work conditions have changed recently, and I’m now in a role that gives me much less flexibility to post in a timely manner. I’ll still get the news to you as fast as I can, but please be patient over the coming months!

Tool January 2016 Newsletter

Blair has released the first Tool Newsletter of 2016, and in it makes a prediction that we might see some more action from Tool this year (and not in the touring sense):

As I’m sure some of you are aware, it’s now 2016 era vulgaris (or, if your pseudo-Latin is a bit rusty, 2016 in the common era), and as such, it’s a fair bet that at least a few Tool enthusiasts are wondering what might be in store for the band in the new calendar year. Well, the Criswell in me predicts that 2016 e.v. will be an exciting year (of course, Criswell once predicted that a beam from outer space would turn all the metal in Denver into carbon nanotube rubber!). However, before anyone reads too much into this (again), I have no time tables for anything, and that’s with a sequined tuxedo. As Tool finishes up the current mini-tour in those states where McDonalds first offered sweet tea, what I do have is e-mail traffic that suggests (nay, confirms) that the band making preparations for things to come besides a new record. And with regards to a new album, whether your pateience is waning thin, or if you are content to let the writing process proceed accordingly, perhaps you should check out the following article, as it just might put a smile on your face.

Bearing in mind of course that this is no guarantee that we will see anything. I think at the very least we should see something released in 2016, though I’m not so sure we’ll get an album until 2017 at best.

Adi Granov's Tool tour poster from the show tonight in Duluth

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