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Sharpest Tools in the Shed

I got a tip off from Ponix on Toolarmy that there was a Tool interview in this months edition of Ralph magazine.  For those of you, Ralph is one of those mens magazine to afraid to show any nipple! It even censors swear words in the article, which I’ve restored for your reading pleasure. Mental note:  Stick to Playboy Magazine in the future, at least they go oall the way.

Given the content of the rest of the magazine, the Tool interview was surprisingly good.  Fittingly it was between an article on an American Firing Range and a photoshoot with Big Brother’s Krystal.  Here are my favorite bits:

You’re artistic, enigmatic and very angry.  How did you become such a commercial juggernaut?

Danny: From the beginning we had the confidence to say no whenever they were trying to sell us instead of our music.  What are the gonna do?  “We’re going to drop you.” We’d fucking celebrate.

Maynard: We were all willing to keep our nine-to-five jobs.  We had people calling from record companies: “I’m from Dickhead Fuckhole Records and we want you to messenger over one of your demo tapes because Fuckhole Records is verrrry interested in you.”  We’d be like “Well, Fuckhole Records can bring you fat ass down to the gig and pay me $5 for one.”  They’d go “Who the fuck do you think you are?” We’d then say, “We are the guys you’ll call back in about a week.”

Wow, all those years I wasted trying to impress record companies!

Not a fan of Paris (Hilton)?

Maynard: It’s hard to hate her because she’s such a tragic mess.  We were at an Ultimate Fighting Championship event and they were showing the celebrities in the crowd on the big screen.  Paris was in the front row and the showed her, then it was all of a sudden I was like “her fucking tits are out!” [Holds up his camera phone to show a photo of Paris, unaware of her loose nipple].  No-one else saw it, obviously including her.  It’s like when she’s on the runway [red carpet] and the wind blows up her skirt and the cooch is hanging out.  No wonder everyone loves her.

Luckily(?) for us, the article includes said picture of Paris Hilton from Maynards phone.  There’s pictures of Maynard and Danny there (though I suspect they’re not recent ones, M is wearing an APC beanie so it may be from the APC days).  So here’s a picture of Krystal instead:

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replayee
replayee
17 years ago

is that this months edition of ralph??
i might have to invest

evilempress
17 years ago

ahh! i live in the us! someone type up the article and i’ll give you candy

charred remains
Member
17 years ago

Weird… I can’t believe they actually agreed to be interview by fucking Ralph? Why?

vuduchild
17 years ago

they are whores like Paris, and we love them for it.

Fd2Blk
Fd2Blk
17 years ago

Actually……this fight was quite recent. I believe it was UFC 57 which was Feb 4th of this year. I remember seeing the Hilton event and thinking exactly what Maynard thought. I have it on tape, I wonder if I can pick them out of the crowd.

chrissss
chrissss
17 years ago

ralph is male ego mag, bring the ego to there work, present them with a cure. 😉

Gerard
Gerard
17 years ago

Censorship and titillation, what a lame magazine. You’re right hellboy 16yr olds deserve better porn. Up the dumper.

maynard's duckie
maynard's duckie
17 years ago

what maynard was talking about:
http://www.thenewsvault.com/cgi/news.pl?t=388

MaynardsDead
MaynardsDead
17 years ago

Is that Kathy Long (female kickboxing champion) in the background of that photo?! She’s apparently a promotor/executive now

/Uselessinfo.

seisen
seisen
17 years ago

Ju8st a bit of useless info really…

It’s not actually those pic’s of Paris that Maynard refers to in this interview…the picture on the page is from his camera phone (apparently) and it’s at a different event. As it says in the article, he’s the only one who saw it so he snapped the pics…

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