Wasting no time after the Tool August 2015 Newsletter, it appears that the Tool September 2015 Newsletter is now upon us. It falls into the cryptic newsletter category, and hints that there will most likely be some form of announcement later in September. As to what, it’s anyone’s guess. New tour dates (possibly Australian)? Details of the new album? A curveball? More blankets?
Read the newsletter below with calendar in hand and let me know what you think:
TOOL NEWSLETTER
SEPTEMBER, 2015 E.V.
KICK-BACKED LABOR DAY EDITION“Full transparency” may latest catchphrase on the evening news, but it’s also a precept long strictly adhered to on the Tool websites, and with this in mind, I should tell you that some of the band members are taking a break from the writing/arranging sessions today in order to enjoy the Labor Day holiday. Obviously, not me though! So, in the breaking news department this month, although some of the guys won’t be at the loft working on new material this afternoon, they have pinky-promised to make up for this by jamming – not only tomorrow, even though it is “INTERNATIONAL LITERACEE DAY” – but also on “GRANDPARENTS DAY”, despite it being a Sunday, with a partial solar eclipse to boot! As for “MEXICAN INDEPENDENCE DAY”, which is on Wednesday the 16th, nothing has yet been decided (except that sopaipillas aren’t just side orders if they’re stuffed), although they will for sure be staying at home the following day (September 17), which happens to be the one “CONSTITUTION DAY” when Mercury goes Retrograde, and with it all of the technical problems that are likely to occur. There’s no point going to the Tool Loft if wah wah pedals don’t wah wah (the little Crybabies!), and a Virus oscillator 2 suddenly develops semitone issues during the diminutive planet’s whoopty-freakin’-doo joyride. The Autumnal Equinox will definitely be a workday for all, and you might want to check the band’s website for a special announcement. Well, kinda sorta special…Ah, come to think of it, don’t bother checking on that day. I certainly wouldn’t want anyone to be disappointed… In the event that the band members flake on “MEXICAN INDEPENDENCE DAY”, they will make up for it by getting together on Sunday, September 27, although it is the “ASIAN MOON FESTIVAL”, with, coincidently, a total lunar eclipse at 10:48 PM EDT. I realize that I didn’t mention “PATRIOT DAY” on Friday, September 11, but, honestly, only one member in the band is really a football fan, and he only likes the K.C. Quiffs… Oops, I just realized that it’s “PATRIOT DAY”, not “PATRIOTS DAY.” Duh, of course they’ll be taking the day off on Friday in order to observe the memory of the tragic events that unfolded (actually, they have Fridays off anyway). Which brings us to SukKot on Monday the 28th (damn, is it already Sukkot again, with all that loud clanking noise from my neighbor struggling to assemble a Lowe’s sukkah by the swimming pool!). I’m going to take a wild guess and say that the guys will be jamming new material on Sukkot (and not in a temporary palm thatch-covered dwelling purchased at the Home Depot). So, there you have it – a genuine Tool newsletter posted on Labor Day. Well, somebody had to go to work…
HAPPY TRAILS
